Helping Others

…When helping others, we recommend the respect of certain lines. Their purpose is to ensure that the individual who offers or receives assistance realises that any aid is, in the final outcome, at the same time also an intervention into the actions of another individual, whatever the aid may consist of. It may be a service, a material or financial gift, generally any information in the form of advice, opinion, etc. during the resolution of a spiritual problem (e.g. ”Should I or should I not tell him?”), also a bodily activity (e.g. assisting a wheelchair-bound person). An individual provides aid to another without expecting any reward, including self-promotion. He does not do it for the benefit that he may derive from it, he does not expect any reward, he lays no claim to it.

From a systemic viewpoint, no form of loan exists in the Universe, because it represents a source of subsequent conflict between people and an instrument for controlling them— there is enough of everything everywhere for everybody, it depends only on our cognition as to how we deal with it. In this connection, a reciprocal service both for assistance and in general, is exclusively a matter for the other person, but it is not his/her obligation. Moreover, it is valid that a reciprocal service is accepted up to the level of a gift. Therefore, if an individual accepts a reciprocal service for assistance provided, which as a whole or in part is not his Essential Personal Need (see above Not Injuring Others or Oneself), he will offer it as a whole, or in its respective part, to somebody who, in his opinion, needs it or who asks for it. Alternatively, he will use it for the benefit of others. Of course, he need not do this immediately, but can wait for an appropriate occasion. It is also correct to check whether the other individual has really asked for aid, and that it was not just a statement. For example, the words: ”My husband is a brute!” might not mean that the person who pronounced these words is asking for help in solving this problem.

If an individual is unsure whether he has received a request for aid or not, and nevertheless provides the aid, this goodwill can turn against him. However, the above-mentioned situation may occur even in the case of an entirely clearly presented request for help. A typical example, unfortunately, is domestic violence. It often happens that a third person intervenes in a dispute between husband and wife, with good intentions and at the explicit request of one of them. It is not uncommon that this assistance turns against the helper in an instant. In these cases, and not only in these, it is good to take into account that aid to another person can have a negative impact on the provider of the aid. The individual should make sure that he/she is ready to bear the possibly pleasant as well as unpleasant impact of the assistance in the form of, for example, spending a certain financial amount or enduring later reproach.

Helping others can conceal one more problem. It is effective if it does not become a crutch for the other person, without which he/she is unable to continue resolving a given situation independently or which he/she will start taking for granted. It is valid even here that too much of something has negative effects. In conclusion, we repeat that any aid is an intervention into the lide of another and it is the exclusive right of each individual to dispense it at his/her own discretion, including the assessment thereof…

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